Do you know what triggers you and how your body responds when dysregulated? How do you master the self-regulation skill? While you can’t control everything that happens to you, you can control how you respond—and that’s where growth and freedom lie.
In this solo episode of the Inspirational Leadership podcast, Kristen discusses the power of self-regulation and how taking responsibility for how you show up can change your life and relationships. She shares practical tools like deep breathing, self-compassion, and self-soothing techniques to help regain control when triggered.
Listen in to learn how to create new neural pathways by intentionally choosing new responses, even if old patterns feel deeply ingrained. You will also learn the importance of modeling vulnerability and repairing relationships when you don’t show up as your best self.
Key Takeaways:
- The importance of self-regulation, especially in high-stress situations where triggers can lead to dysregulation.
- Understanding fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses in high-stress situations.
- How self-regulation can help you choose a more compassionate and intentional approach to responding.
- How apologizing and taking responsibility can repair and strengthen relationships.
- Understanding that emotions only last 90 seconds in the body, and how to break free from emotional spirals.
What You Will Learn in This Episode:
- [00:54] Kristen shares two powerful quotes about self-regulation and explains why self-regulation is so important.
- [02:51] How self-regulation can transform your relationships by helping you show up differently.
- [04:25] The neuroscience behind self-regulation – it’s never too late to create new neural pathways and change how you respond to triggers.
- [05:40] How triggers can act as mirrors, showing you where you still have room to grow and become more emotionally resilient.
- [07:10] The four survival responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—and how they show up when you’re dysregulated.
- [09:44] Common behaviors that arise in reactionary mode, such as putting up walls, adopting a victim mindset, or avoiding difficult conversations.
- [11:08] Reacting vs. responding, and how self-regulation helps you choose a more compassionate and intentional approach.
- [13:58] Kristen shares a personal story of how she reacted poorly to her daughter’s request and how she later repaired the situation.
- [19:12] How apologizing and taking responsibility can strengthen relationships and model vulnerability.
- [20:30] The 90-second rule for emotions, based on the work of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, and how to break free from emotional spirals.
- [23:35] A step-by-step guide on how to feel your feelings: notice, name, accept, investigate, and release.
- [26:14] Why self-regulation is a skill that takes practice, and how progress—not perfection—is the goal.
Standout Quotes:
- “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll
- “What triggers you is a mirror to show you where you’re not free.” – Peter Crone
- “Emotions are moved through very quickly—within 90 seconds. After that, any remaining emotional response is a choice to stay in that emotional cycle.” – Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor
- “The most difficult people in your life are your biggest teachers.” – Kristen Harcourt
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